Identity
Chapter 1
by TasukiNak (tasukinak@xoommail.com)
Rated: PG
Website: http://members.xoom.com/tasukinak/tasukinak.htm
Standard disclaimers apply

Hey, look, a new fic!! WOOHOO!! Hope you all like this one.  It's a 
first season one for once, where Sailor Moon actually exists!!  I 
think I'll be posting it at A First Love, but I'm not sure yet. And
please, don't think too hard about all the little details in here, 
because not everything fits in with the anime or the manga, so just
be a little lenient, okay?  Anyways, hope you all like this story.

* * * * * * * 

Usagi walked into the Crown Game Center, but did not sit down to 
play the Sailor V game as she usually did.  She walked straight to
the front counter and sat down, setting her school bag on the 
countertop in front of her.  

"Hey, Usagi," said Motoki, walking towards her from the kitchen.
"What's up?"

Usagi bit her lip, only looking up at him briefly.  "Um, can I ask
you something Motoki?" she asked quietly, almost shyly.

Motoki nodded.  "Go ahead."

The blonde girl took a deep breath, then looked up at him.  "But
you're not allowed to make fun of me, okay?  Promise?"

Motoki looked at her oddly, wondering what was going on to make 
her act so out of character.  "I promise, Usagi."

She took another deep breath.  "Could you help me with my homework?"
she asked timidly.

He smiled, relieved that it was only school that was bothering her.
"Sure.  What is it?"

Usagi grinned, though her eyes weren't completely in it.  "Thanks,
Motoki!  It's algebra . . . I just don't get it!  I have a midterm
test tomorrow, and my mom says if I fail she'll take away my 
allowance for three months and ground me for just as long!"  She 
let out a low wail and her head fell into her arms.

"Hey, Usagi, c'mon.  I told you I'd help you," he replied easily,
used to her outbursts of sadness.  

She peeked up at him, then sighed.  "Right."  She pulled her textbook
and notebook from her bag and set them in front of her.  He opened 
them as she looked at them silently, with something like hatred 
glimmering in her eyes.  And they started working on the problem.

Mamoru entered the arcade, and as the doors slid closed behind him,
he caught sight of a young, odango-headed girl sitting at the 
counter, with Motoki, her head in her hands, looking rather 
melancholy.  He was surprised at that; it was so uncharacteristic
of Odango to look anything other than blindingly happy . . . or
steaming mad in the face of his frequent teasing.  He mentally
sighed.  As much as he absolutely *loved* seeing her and gazing into
her gorgeous face, he hated that fact that he always had to guard
himself against her, to somehow make himself stop feeling the way
he did about her.  <But how do you stop loving someone?> he thought
hopelessly, staring at the beautiful blonde, who was just then
scrunching her brow over her textbook as an almost-amused Motoki
looked on.  The only protection he had against completely losing 
control of himself, against grabbing her and kissing her mindless,
telling her of his undying love, was to tease her until she
screamed out her hatred for him.  Maybe one day, if they kept this
up, he would get it into his head that there was no hope for them, 
and could finally stop loving her.

Mamoru sighed quietly in frustration, then walked up to the counter,
ready for the next battle.

"Hey, Odango Atama!" he exclaimed, as if surprised to see her there,
as if he hadn't noticed her before.  She only looked at him long 
enough to shoot a deadly glare his way, and say, "Go away, Mamoru!"
then turned back to her notebook.

"Mamoru, just the man I wanted to see.  Usagi needs some help with
her algebra.  I hardly remember a thing about it though, since it's
been so long," Motoki said.

Usagi stared at him, her brow scrunching.  "Motoki!" she hissed 
angrily, "why'd you have to tell *him*?!  He's only going to tease
me cruelly--just like he always does!"  She glanced at Mamoru 
again, her eyes squinting angrily.  "I'd appreciate it," she said
icily, looking away, "if you'd just leave now and spare us all the 
displeasure of your words and your company."

Mamoru was surprised.  She had never treated him this coldly before.
And it made him want to prove her wrong.  "I wasn't going to make 
fun of you, Usagi," he replied calmly, taking a seat beside her.  
"So what are you trying to learn here?"

Usagi looked at him incredulously for a few moments, silent, and 
Motoki grinned and walked back into the kitchen.  She shrugged,
then with a sigh grabbed her textbook and slid it in front of
him.  "I don't get any of this whole algebra thing whatsoever."

Mamoru looked over the question with her, and tried to explain the
concept.  As he explained, he looked at her with a furrowed brow, 
obviously listening hard and sincerely trying to understand.  He
couldn't help thinking how absolutely adorable she looked like 
that, even though her eyes were slightly clouded over, obviously
not in the greatest of moods.  As they worked through a problem
together, Mamoru leaned over slightly and caught a whiff of her
perfume.  Ahhh, vanilla!  For just a second, he closed his eyes
and drank in her scent, seizing the moment. 

He suddenly realized, though for the hundredth time that day, 
that this was wrong.  He shouldn't be sitting there with 
Odango, helping her out, when he was trying to stop loving 
her.  You don't feed your addition when you're trying to 
stay clean, do you?  He silently cursed himself for being
so stupid, for letting himself get closer to her, for being
nice to her.  He sat up straight, trying his best to keep 
as far away from her as possible, trying to keep his eyes
away from her gorgeous face.

"Mamoru, did I do this right?" Usagi slid her notebook over
to him for inspection, biting the eraser on the end of her
pencil nervously. <She really has no idea how incredibly
desirable she is> he thought, mentally shaking his head.

He cleared his throat loudly and turned away from her, 
looking down at the notebook in front of him.  He saw that
she had done the question perfectly, and couldn't help but
be proud of her.  But he fiercly pushed the emotions down.
<Go for it now, Mamoru, while the getting's still good . . .>

"No, no, you did it completely wrong, Odango!" he said, loudly 
and exasperatedly, forcing on a face of disgust.  "I can't 
believe you!  I explain the whole thing to you and show you how
to do it, and still you don't get it!"

Usagi's eyes threatened to fill with tears, but refused to let 
Mamoru see them.  This was how it always was, how it always 
would be.  He had started to be nice to her, and she had 
started to hope. But now the hopes were dashed, and they were
back to square one.  It would never change.  He'd always hate
her.  

"Go ahead and say it, Mamoru, say I'm stupid."  Her voice was 
low and flat.

<Yeah, Mamoru, go ahead> his brain encouraged him.  "You are
stupid, Odango."  The words stung hard, he as well as she felt
it almost physically.  He absolutely hated himself for doing 
this to her, but there was no other way.  "You can't get a simple
math problem right.  You can't even walk for three seconds 
without falling with a deafening scream and taking someone else
down with you.  All you--" Mamoru stopped as she silently gathered
her books together and shoved them into her bag, and caught sight 
of the tears that she thought were hidden.  They were slowly 
working their way down her flushed cheeks, and they made him 
want to cry too, made him want to smash his head against a wall.

Usagi stood, abruptly, holding her bag, and quickly turned, her 
head remaining down, and walked quickly out of the arcade.  He
watched her go, silent, and had to ignore the almost-irresistable
urge to run after her and tell her he was sorry, comfort her, and 
tell her he loved her . . . <Stop it, Mamoru!> he scolded himself.
<You *have* to stop feeling this way about her!  It's confusing
enough as it is without her in the picture!>

Motoki emerged from the kitchen and rested his elbows on the
counter.  "Where'd Usagi go?"

"S-she had to go home."

"Did you give her the help she needed?"

Mamoru shrugged. "I guess."  He paused, staring blankly at the 
countertop.  "Could you get me a black coffee?" Motoki nodded
and did so.  Mamoru held it in front of himself for a moment,
then gripped the handle and gulped down the whole thing in 
one breath.  His eyes closed briefly, and he set his mug and 
money on the counter, and walked quietly out of the arcade.

Usagi when straight home from the arcade, too hurt and angry
to do anything *but* go home.  She ran up to her room without 
hardly even muttering a hello to her mother.  She collapsed 
onto her bed and burst into sobs, all the while feeling like
a fool.  How could she have ever thought Mamoru could be 
anything but mean to her?  He shouldn't have been able to hurt
her feelings so much.  His opinion didn't matter.  All he ever
did was tease her about her tendency to cry all the time, her 
bad habits, her failures at school, her klutziness, and just 
about everything in between.  She'd never heard a kind word from 
him, nor would she ever.  And all he ever called her was "Odango
Atama" which she hated, the only exception being that day.  

The more and more she thought about all the things Mamoru had
ever said to her, and all the times he had made her want to cry,
the more her anger built up against him.  And soon enough she 
was almost angry enough to kill him.  She was slumped lazily on 
her bed, but as a sudden idea came to her, she sat up straight,
determination writted across her features.  

<Tomorrow, I am going to pass that algebra test with flying 
colours.  And prove Chiba Mamoru wrong!>

That night Mamoru went to bed knowing full well what was coming 
in his sleep, just as he always did.  It came every night, and it
was always the same:

"Tuxedo Kamen . . . the Ginzuishou . . . " the sweet, soft voice
called out to him.  It was his princess, whom he loved.

"Tell me who you are!"

"Please . . . Endymion . . . !"

The dream ended sooner than usual, the tug at his soul waking him
from his slumber.  In a moment he jumped out of bed and transformed
into Tuxedo Kamen, and off he went to protect Sailor Moon once again.

The youma again attacked the Senshi, but they easily dodged the 
energy thrown their way.  Mercury sent out a blast of bubbles as
Mars performed her fire attack.  But still the youma was not yet
weak enough to destroy, and it sent a bolt of energy hurtling 
towards Sailor Moon.

In a swift motion, Tuxedo Kamen pulled a rose from the inside of 
his jacket and threw it down from his perch on the tree branch, 
stopping the energy from hitting Sailor Moon.  The klutzy heroine
looked up and saw her hero.

"Tuxedo Kamen!"

He hopped down from the tree and stood before her.  She was so 
beautiful, even if she was a crybaby and klutz.  And she was
brave, too, even if she didn't show it all the time.  He could
*feel* how brave and strong she was, and, somehow, it made him
proud.  But he had no idea why.  <Yes, you know very well why>
he told himself as he gazed into her bright eyes, shining in 
the moonlight.  <It's because you love her.>

Yes, it was true.  Tuxedo Kamen was in love with three different
women, all at the same time.  He never thought it would be 
possible, not for any man, but it was happening to him, and he
had no power in the situation.  It was beyond his control.  He 
despised himself for it, but at the same time was *very* confused,
understandably so.  How was it possible for him, Chiba Mamoru, 
who had loved almost no one his entire life, to be in love with 
three different people, all at the same time?  He had stopped
trying to find reasons for it, because if he didn't, he would
surely drive himself insane.  

But if he had to pick the one he loved the most, it would be Usagi. 
Towards his moon princess he felt deep loyalty and knew he had to
help her find the Ginzuishou, to find himself.  He felt the need
to protect Sailor Moon with his life.  But he simply loved Usagi, 
not because she needed his help or protection, but because she 
was who she was.  

"Thank you, Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailor Moon's eyes shone as she gazed at
him.  <Oh, he's so handsome, and he always rescues me right at the 
exact moment I need him!  But why won't he ever speak to me more 
than he absolutely has to?  He has to have *some* sort of feelings 
for me, or he wouldn't save me everytime there's an attack!>  Sailor
Moon sighed softly, the thoughts all too familiar.  She was forever
searching for the answers, but they never came.  

<Who are you kidding, Usagi?  How could he ever feel anything for 
you?  You're so klutzy and stupid.  You're not even a real super-
heroine, like everyone thinks. I'm just plain old Tsukino Usagi.>
Sailor Moon forced herself out of those depressing thoughts as
Tuxedo Kamen said, "Now, Sailor Moon!" after Jupiter threw her
thunder attack at the youma.  In a moment the creature of the 
Dark Kingdom was nothing but a pile of moondust.

"You did well, Sailor Moon." Tuxedo Kamen desperately wanted to 
say more, much more, but the words would not come.  And he
wouldn't be able to say what he wanted to, anyway.  He gazed at 
her for another moment before turning and flying off into the 
night.

Sailor Moon stared after him longingly.  <He's so handsome and 
mysterious! . . . oh, Tuxedo Kamen!!>

END OF CHAPTER ONE

So, what'd you think?  Email me and tell me!!  I love email!!  
Anyways, hi, Jessa-chan!! I'll e you soon!!  And thanks to everyone
who's emailed me!!  Oh, and send in your Usagi and Mamoru fics 
so I can post them on my site!!  (completed fics only, please!!)
Okay, I gotta go, it's past ten and my mom's yelling at me.  Ja!!
10:08 PM 12/5/1999