Title:Love and Bitter Memories.Prologue Author:Tapestry E-mail:Shaddow_Cat@hotmail.com Rating:PG13 Standard Disclaimer Apply I have just turned 23 years-old.My name is Serena Lunaria.But I don't know if that's my real name....I have golden blonde hair and sky-blue eyes.But sometimes...a pretty innocent face can be decieving to what is inside. I never believed I would find happiness...love...that one emotion which has been alien to me all my life.I never believed in love....or miracles. Only an illusion created by humans to fool themselves. But then...you cannot blame me for my principles and thoughts of this thing...called life... Dreams are but an illusion....miracles are but phony creations... friendship...a lie... My short life had been a painful one.... Since the age of 6,I don't remember my birth parents.Doctors said my parents died in a mugging case.They said people found me and my dead parents on a road. I don't remember any of it.... The orphanage was not my idea of the perfect childhood.The care-taker was an utter witch.And her favourite was the stupid fat,Rachel girl.A perfect bitch at the age of 12.Always pushing the younger kids,as she was the oldest.But when Miss Terrence was there...she'd act the perfect angel. The care-taker's favourite...when Rachel broke anything...I'd get the blame,as I was the only one who ever defied her.Miss Terrence would then punish me to cleaning the ancient old fire places,that collected only dust. Whoever said life was a dream come true,was obviously never an orphan. Miss Terrence...I'd barf at her name....Always praising Rachel... ' "Oooh....Rachel's so prim and proper..so kind...when a pigs ear can fly. Prim and proper indeed....the world to me is only a cold place. Ever since my amnesia,I've viewed the world as a dark place...a grey world where things happened with neither rhyme nor reason. At the age of 12,I was adopted into a family... The first few months were pleasant...but after that,I found out my... "Adopted father" was a drunkard and was rarely home.My "adopted mother" was kind.She had to work.When my "father" WAS home...he would beat his wife and ask her for money...the slimebag... I finished school and went into college thanks to the college's scholarship.I finished college 3 years ago....In school I had been tagged as the 'weird girl' or the 'bookworm' . Friends are a burden....boyfriends,even more so.... I'd given my heart to a man once....he'd taken it and broken it....tossing it away.Girls laughed at me,with their airhead remarks and snotty attitudes. Advice.....never let your guard down....and you can never count on anyone but yourself.I vowed never to give my heart again. I majored in interior decorating.My dream since a child. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hi Serena."greeted a girl with long blonde hair. "Hello,Mina."I replied coldly. Mina Venusa.I envy her sometimes...she's always smiling without a care in the world.Married happily to her...Anthony. She has everything I had ever dreamed of.That's probably why I act cold to her.But she doesn't mind...she's used to it. I loathe her sometimes...and I'm ashamed of it.I should be happy for her.But how can I do that when the emotion is alien to me??? Mina once asked me...."Don't you even believe in friendship or love???" I had replied..."No.In a world...emotions had no place." And I STILL do believe that.I told Mina,I was just facing the cold hard truth of reality instead of believing in the hope that someday,just someday....a miracle would appear. Perhaps I believed it once....before the amnesia...or maybe I didn't. Mina is one of my dearest friends.She's the only one that puts up with me. I don't know where I'd be without her...She's the closest to a relative besides my work and Interior Decorating company. I admit...I'm getting sentimental. She knows me better than anyone else.Knows how much hurt,I've experienced. Pain...sorrow...heartbreak and disappointment... Perhaps my grey outlook on life has caused me this bitterness...who knows? But nobody ever said bitterness was a weakness... Nobody ever said life was easy....I sometimes wonder....what it would have been like if I had not had amnesia. Would I have had a life that would have been full of sunshine and laughter instead of the cold and desolate one I have now?? I learned to protect myself after the abuse at the hands of my adopted father....after the hurt of the man who had broken my heart,leaving me to pick up the pieces...after all...life was never perfect in my world. My adopted mother,later when I was 18,died after a brutal beating from that bastard of an adopted father.The drunken fat useless wasted piece of perfectly good carbon. Sending him to jail was the best thing that I'd probably done for my late adopted mother.....She'd suffered as much as I did in his hands... probably more so...but then.....I would never know....Ilene Russell was all a person could wish for of a mother...whereas Jonothan Russell was definately NOT father material...She should have married her old beau... Kenji Donavans... I then moved in with Mina.Her mother was kind and understanding.She fussed over me and Mina like a mother hen. However...a year later...she died of cancer. Mina is the only person I have left.As I said....friendship was not always dependable.But,I knew Mina's was forever. Mina once told me to let my defenses down and take a look at life,in all it's spendid glory...but the only thing I saw was the grey desolate world I had seen since I was 6 years-old.... Mina had said maybe someone out there was waiting for me....but I doubt that.Love???Hah!!I didn't even believe in it!!! Where was one suppose to find or believe in a soul mate if I didn't believe in love or hope.Friendship or kindness?? This was the 90's.Since when did miracles and power of love,mumbo-jumbo exist??? Mankind can never stay interested in one thing forever....soul mates is a thing of the past. It's just our nature to get bored.Love is an emotion which toys with your heart and twists your concepts of reality and fantasy. Love....happiness....joy....dreams and hope....such nonsense and rubbish. Born out the fancies of heart. Hate....sadness....sorrow....pain...heartbreak...disappointment.Now that's something I can live with and understand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I do not doubt that love exists....but it does not exist,FOR me....Never before....not ever in the end.... Everybody could call me cold and snobby all they liked....I prefered the solitude....loneliness always suited me...though I did not look the part. No one could ever understand me...not even Mina........ Even though Mina was the only one who befriended me.Despite my attempts to push her away.Little does she know...I care for her..more than she'll ever know....that is why....I can never let her in.... For I know if I do....I'll be placing myself out in the open where I'll be vulnerable.... I told myself....I was not a victim...neither was I a pitiful young helpless girl....I made a life out of all the pain,life had dealt.... From the loss of my parents to amnesia,to abuse,deaths and the cold and icy treatments of people who thought themselves better than others. The type of people I hate most.... Back to the present.... "So...how's Anthony??"I asked. "Oh...simply wonderful Serena!!"sighed Mina. Bully for her.She's always been the lucky one.A perfect life with nothing to scar her childhood. Rich little kids with their perfect synthetic lives and perfect manners, and everything....Mina is merely the exception. "So...what's the next appointment in our schedule??"I asked changing the subject. "A business firm belonging to Mr Darien Terra Shields.And I'm afraid I'll have to sit this one out,Sere..." "What???"I said shocked. "Sorry,Sere....I'm going for a test...."grinned Mina sheepishly. I stared puzzled before recognition set in..... "Aaah....does Anthony know about it??"I asked. Mina blushed and shook her head."I plan to tell him soon though...I just don't want him fussing over me." I smirked. "Well...I guess I can handle this job...alone."I said raising my eyebrows teasingly to Mina. Mina sighed."Trying to make me go on a guilt trip,Sere??" I laughed slightly."Oh don't worry...Moonlight Designs did fine without you when you and Anthony went on your Honeymoon."I teased her. Mina smiled. "I always knew you had a soft heart under that shell of yours." I stiffened. "You mean a broken heart....and you're too kind Mina.You know I haven't the shred of compassion and softness for anybody excluding you."I bit out. Mina's eyes grew sad. "I know..I know..."she whispered leaving the office. I stared out of the office window.Soft heart indeed....the comment had hurt.Serena Lunaria had never been soft in all her life.... "Sigh....okay....Mr Shields....job time..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To be continued... What do you think??Stay tune for Chapter 1 ...