"Spirit"
By Amethyst
PG-13
amethyst@tuxedomask.com
"We are not seperate from Spirit, we are in it."-Plotinus
For a picture of Umi-- http://blckmoonchik.tripod.com/pictures/fanart/NyoUmi.gif

All author's notes and such at bottom.
Japanese Word List:
Odango atama- Meatball Head or Dumpling Head
Kaze- Wind
Oniisan- Big brother
Imoutochan- Little sister
Baka- Idiot
Aiyoku- Passionate
Masurao- Warrior
Himeko- Princess
Konbanwa- Good evening

Japanese Name list:
Chiba Mamoru- Darien Shields
Tsukino Usagi- Serena
Hino Rei- Raye Hino
Furuhata Motoki- Andrew
Reika- Rita Blade
Mizuno Ami- Amy Anderson
Osaka Naru- Molly Baker
Kino Makoto- Lita
Aino Minako- Mina
Chibi-Usa- Rini
Sailorpluto- Sailor Pluto (Celia)
Kumada Yurrichurro- Chad
*** Lizzie's name is kept as Lizzie cuz I forgot the Japanese version***

************************************************************************
You and Me 
Used to be together
Everyday together always

I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well, I don't want to know

Don't Speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts.

Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't Speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts.

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending what we are
You and me
I can see us dying, are we?

Don't Speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts.
************************************************************************
	It started out as a normal day for me. Christmas was nearing, and even though I'm Japanese, well, let's just say we Japanese enjoy the Spirit of Giving. I was shopping for Motoki, Reika, and Lizzie, for Rei and Kumada Yurrichurro, and Umi, my neighbor two doors down. 
	Then I saw her.
	She was walking with her friends. Naru, the redhead, Makoto, the ever so powerful tall girl, and Ami, the genius child. She laughed, tossing waves of blonde hair back, which rippled in the cold December wind. 
	My heart was racing, whispering insane thoughts to me.
	'Go to her, talk to her, be nice to her, kiss her!' it cried, painfully contracting in my chest. My feet, no longer under my control, were walking towards her, my shopping bags rustling against other shoppers in the downtown Ginza district. 
	Luckily, I still had my mouth under control.
	"Hiya, Odango atama! Broken anyone's necks by tripping them lately?" I called out, and watched as her cute face turned red with anger.
	God, she *is* adorable.
	"What do you want, Baka?" she yells back, anger in her voice.
	"Whoa, Usagi-chan.... he's a major hunk!" Makoto cried out. That girl....
	Usagi. 
	It used to be that I called her Usako. 
	Did she remember at all the way it used to be, a thousand years ago, when she was my Princess, my Goddess of the Moon, my personal Angel?
	"Whatever, Mako-chan!" she snorted.
	Guess not.
	"Oh, c'mon, Meatball, lots of people think I'm hot stuff!" I said proudly, puffing out my chest while draping one arm around her shoulder. My self-defense was kicking in. I was at risk of getting hurt again. If only she would remember, how she used to help me, how I used to save her. How we had come so close to getting back together, before once again I was killed.
	But she'd wished for a normal life. 
	And I had to leave it at that.
	I'd do anything for my Princess. Even live a long, lonely life of torture. 
	Usako....

************************

	"I CAN'T BELIEVE THE NERVE OF THAT JERK!!!" I shrieked while my three best friends shook their heads.
	"No, Sere, that's not it."
	"It's not?" I asked confusedly, and Mako smirked. 
	"No, you *want* that jerk!"
	"MAAAAAAAKOOOOOO!!!!" I whined, and the girls covered their ears. Ha. Score one for Tsukino Usagi.
	"Admit it!" Naru cried while Ami sighed, resigned to her fate. She picked up a trig book and began to study.
	That girl...
	"NO WAY! I HAVE *STANDARDS* YA KNOW!!" I shrieked again, and somewhere outside someone screamed to put the dying cat out of it's misery.
	Remind me to moondust Kazuki-san next time I have the chance.
	Wait a sec, Moondust? Wasn't that what that superhero did, the one that ran around the city last year? Sailor Moon or whatever?
	Why was that name so familiar?
	"Usagi-chan?!? Ya there?!?" Naru waved her hand in front of my face. I nodded, breaking out of my little trance.
	"Anyways, why did ya blush like that when he put his arm around your shoulder?"
	I remembered how his strong arm felt so right on my slim shoulder, how his body was just barely touching my back...
	I was glad I was sitting, or else I surely would have collapsed, all the feeling from my knees left as I recalled how protective his hold was, how warm and safe I felt, how his eyes darkened when they looked at me, almost yearning... like they were pleading with me to do something.
	<Remember....>
	'Huh?' I asked myself as the voice whispered in my head. 'What am I supposed to remember?' I asked, but there was no answer.
	"And what about when he whispered in your ear?" Naru pressed me, breaking me out (once again) of my reverie.
	'Yeah, what about when he whispered in your ear?' my damned annoying heart asked me. 
	I had just told him that I could very easily not find him "all that and a bag of chips", and he'd laughed, before circling around me, like a hawk preparing to swoop down and catch the poor rabbit it was stalking, it's dinner.
	"Are you willing to make a bet on that, Usa?" He'd asked, breathing in my ear like a lover would, and then kissed my jawbone, right under my ear. 
	The feelings had flooded away from my legs and I was lucky I was leaning on a mailbox, or else I would have collapsed.
	So I liked Chiba Mamoru, ya can't blame me. The guy was HOT! And he could be sweet and charming, too. Not to me, but too everyone else. He would laugh, though, if I told him how much I wanted him to be charming to me. 
	I was just a conquest, the one girl who didn't like him, the one he had to convert, right?
	His prey.
	For some strange reason, I didn't mind that. But I wouldn't confess that easily. 
	'Prepare to lose a bet, Chiba!'
*********************
	"YOU DID WHAT?!?!?" the loud screech caused my eardrums to protest. The small blonde reminded me a lot of a more serious Minako, and a lot like Usako at some points.
	This was one of them.
	"I kissed her jaw, Umi-chan! What's the big idea?" I asked, and the girl laughed. 
	Sometimes, though, Hikestuno Umi just wigged me out. But the girl had freaked me out from the beginning.
	See, after I'd regained my memories, I was stumbling through the streets in shock- you can't blame me. I had thought I was Chiba Mamoru, cool, collected, calm upperclassman. 
	I didn't lose my cool like that.
	Then I'd heard her scream. A small girl in the alleyway, who was trying to fight off a guy in an alleyway, some thug who wanted her purse. She would have won, but he had a gun. I'd recognized her as my new neighbor, a 16 year old who'd moved from America.
	So I'd taken to the roofs and Tuxedo Kamen had saved the day. 
	"So, Endymion-sama, are you now the Tokyo version of Spiderman?" she'd asked.
	"How did you know my name?" My hollow voice had sounded off the walls of the alley.
	"My name is Hiketsuno Umi, I've been sent to help you."
	"Help me?!? Is there another battle coming?" She simply laughed, a bitter one. 
	"No, Prince. I'm here to help you get your Princess back. And other things..." A dark look had crossed her face, and she'd then shaken it off. 
	Her name fit her. Roughly translated it was "Sea of Secrets."
	Yep, 110% Umi.
	"Who sent you?" I'd asked, and she'd smiled.
	"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

	So now I came over to Umi's apartment everyday, sat on her "furniture" (which consisted of blow up couches and such) and tried to see if Kaze, her Assyrian cat, would decide not to scratch me that particular day. It was a game the cat and I played, the cat waiting until I was relaxed enough so that she could sneak up and scratch me.
	Currently the score was Mamoru 2, Kaze 218. 
	Sometimes I wonder who's side Umi-chan is on.
	*Scratch*.
	Make that 219.  I sipped my tea and looked at my hand while Umi scolded the cat. 
	"Neko-chan! IYA!" she shook her finger at the cat and proceeded to then unceremoniously toss the cat into her room and shut the door. The cat yowled in anger, and I saw a sudden resemblance between pet and owner.
	Ooops. Did I say that last part out loud?
	"Watch it, Mamoru-kun." she'd growled and I'd smiled nervously. I'd never gotten Umi mad and I frankly didn't want to. 
	"Gomen, Umi-chan." 
	"Forgiven. Now, Mamoru-kun, what ever did possess you to kiss Usagi-chan?!?"
 	I shrugged. 
	"She was so tempting! And cute!"
	"Down, boy. Maybe I should get Rei-chan to do a fire reading..." she murmured, half to herself. She knew Hino Rei through school, they both went to the prestigious T*A Private Girls Catholic Academy in downtown Juuban, and I'd managed to get re-aquainted with the former Sailor Mars.
	Except this time I didn't date her. She was dating Kumada Yurrichurro, and I was dedicated to my angel, Usagi, so....
	"No, Umi-chan. She was Sailor Mars, you know."
	"Point being?"
	"My point is, Umi-chan, she could remember. I want them to enjoy having a normal life for as long as they can." She nodded, and sighed. 
	"I wonder what it would be like to be a normal girl..." she shook her head and continued setting up the nativity over her fireplace, on the wooden mantel. Christmas was a big thing to her, she was Catholic, and she began the countdown to Christmas on New Year's, practically. She was having a party, with her kamikaze cat and blow up furniture, and have fun.
	The girl needed to. 
	"Mamoru-kun, what *were* you doing on the Ginza?" she asked, a look of pure innocence crossing her face.
	I didn't like that look. 
	"Christmas shopping, why?"
	"Did you get me a present?"
	"Of course, Umi-chan!"
	"Can I see it?"
	"NO!"
	"Damn you."
	"You're so sweet, I think I might have to send it back."
	"HEY!"
	"That's what you get, Hiketsuno!"
	"Hmmmph. What did you get Usagi-san then?"
	"Nothing, why?"
	"BAKA!" *THWACK!* The big thick science book hit the back of my head. But I was tough, I could handle...
	"OW! HEY YOU LEFT A BUMP!"
	"Oops. Tee hee. But you should get her something!"
	"When would I give it to her?"
	*THWACK!*
	"OOOOOOOOW! Umi-chan! You're going to give me a concussion!"
	"Not my fault you're so dense." Her powerful knowing eyes, a stormy purply-grey, sparkled mischievously. I silently groaned, a mischievous matchmaking Umi was like a mischievous Minako and Makoto put together; not a good thing. 
	"Ever heard of a party?" she asked, raising one eyebrow.
	That was her amazing plan? Wow, Umi must be going soft.
	But there was that glint again, I didn't trust that glint. It was dangerous, a bad glint. 
	I didn't want to know. 
	"Fine then, you have to help me pick out the present then!" I dragged the struggling blonde from her nativity, her dropping King number two on the carpet near the door as she slid into her shoes, me pulling her down the hall.
	"I need to let Kaze out! He hates being locked in there!"
	I grinned.
	Make that Mamoru: 3.
**************************
	 I was alone the next time I saw him, only hours after our previous running into. This time he was looking down shops in the Ginza again, and a pretty blonde was standing beside him.
	"MAmoRU-kun!" She whined, and I hated her immediately. She was gorgeous, amazing. Purple-grey eyes shone out at me, and Mamoru walked over to me, her following behind while checking a cute brunet guy. 
	God, she was tacky too. Checking out other guys while with her boyfriend. 
	"Konnichiwa, Usagi-chan!"
	"Konnichiwa, Mamoru-san." I replied, refusing to look into those warm blue eyes that melted my soul. "Who's that?" I asked lifelessly.
	"Umi-baka!" he called, and Umi whirled around. Out of nowhere a large science book appeared, and the girl whapped him over the head. 
	"OW! UMI-BAKA, STOP IT!" he yelled angrily, and she smiled. 
	"Kaze sends her love."
	"Kaze?!?" I asked, bewildered.
	"My cat. I'm Hiketsuno Umi, Mamoru's neighbor, truant officer, and teacher in the ways of the Force." she giggled hysterically. 
	If she wasn't Mamo-chan's girl, I would like her.
	"Oh. Tsukino Usagi." I extended my hand to her, placing a cool smile on my face. 
	"So, you're the famous Tsukino Usagi! Mamoru-oniisan talks about you ALL the time!" she squealed, and Mamoru blushed.
	Now why would she call her boyfriend 'Oniisan'?
	"Oniisan?" I asked.
	"Oh, Mamoru-kun's a lot like a big brother to me- my family" -she made a face at this- "lives in the States."
	I clamped down on the urge of doing a full-hearted cheer in the middle of the road. This time I smiled genuinely, and Umi giggled at Mamoru, who was concentrating intently on the pattern of the asphalt.
	"Anyway, I gotta finish Christmas shopping. See ya around, Usagi-chan!"
	"Ja ne, Umi-chan!" I waved after her. 
	"Oh and Usagi?" 
	"Yeah?"
	"Next time he calls you Odango just whap him over the head with a science book." she grinned like a banshee and Mamoru shook his head. 
	"I think I just saw my life expectancy drop." he groaned, and I laughed. 
	"Thanks, Umi-chan!" I skipped gaily to the arcade after that.
					@---------
	Sometimes, I think I'm missing something, like I could be having more. 
	Sometimes I wonder what my purpose on this Earth is. 	
	Sometimes, I feel alone. 
	And that scares me. 
	Because I am alone. No one knows the real Tsukino Usagi, her real, serious side who dreams of becoming an author and kissing Mamoru-san, who wishes of being Binshoujo Senshi Sailormoon, of being a powerful superhero, with Mamoru-san as my Tuxedo Kamen. 
	In my mind, I like to call him Mamo-chan. I wonder it would be like to kiss those eternally smirking lips of him, for him to kiss me back.
	And in my mind I laugh at myself. 
	I truly am alone. 
	Maybe that's why Hiketsuno Umi, with her eyes like a hurricane, mystified me so much. 
	She seemed to be exactly like me.
	Alone.
	I could tell she didn't even let Mamo-chan see her true self. 
	But would he want to see mine?
******************
	A lot of you must be wondering how the heck I got my memory back before Odango. 
	Well, I have the Silver Crystal. 
	You see, I was walking around the Ginza, on a night like tonight, when I saw a vintage style shop. 
	I decided to go in, and the shop was dim, like it had just opened but had been closed forever.
	Weird, huh.
	A redheaded girl, who's nametag read Aiyoku, smiled at me. The light must have shifted because at that point I saw a crystal on a pendant in the jewelry showcase. It cost a bundle, but something told me to buy it.
	But I knew if I did my world would melt away and a new one would take place. 
	Don't ask how, I think that Umi-chan was warning me somehow. 
	Either that or Kami-sama himself. 
	I cleared my throat, and Aiyoku looked up from her "Call Me Princess" manga.
	"Hai?" she asked, blinking, like she knew what I wanted but just wanted me to spell it out. 
	"I want that crystal pendant."
	"I wouldn't do that if I were you, sir." she stared at me, turquoise eyes boring into my sapphire ones. 
	"It's my money."
	She shrugged. "True, and it's your life." she took it out of the cabinet and put it in a velvet jewelry case.
	"Girlfriend?"
	"I wish."
	"Give it to the right girl, Chiba-san." she smiled at me again, and took my credit card. 
	"How do you know my name?"
	"It's on your credit card." I knew that she hadn't seen my name on there, but I didn't bother. For some strange reason I wanted that pendant, and finally, Aiyoku handed it to me.
	When I'd gotten home, I took it out of the box, holding it by the chain, refusing to touch the pendant itself. I knew, somehow, that if I did, everything would change.
	The crystal had a mind of it's own. It swayed, and brushed gently against my fingertips. 
	I jerked, as I first remembered the Silver Millennium, then the fight against Beryl.
	Endymion, Serenity.
	Tuxedo Kamen, Sailormoon.
	Mamoru, Usagi.
	It was all the same, they were all the same. 
	And I was alone again. 
****************
	I'd always loved Tsukino Usagi, from the time after Beryl, when she came to visit me in the hospital, (so sweet), to the time before that, when I was her human wastebasket and she threw her test paper at me. She was my angel, my goddess, my Usako. 

	So you have to understand how I felt watching her die- twice- how it nearly killed me myself. But the knowoledge that sweet Usa had once been mine, that's I'd lost her again, all because of her wish.
	She wanted to be a normal girl.
	She didn't want me. 
	So I had to make her love me for me, as Chiba Mamoru.
	Maybe then she'd want me back. 
	I stared at the Christmas present I'd gotten her. It was so delicate, so beautiful, just like her. 
	The crystal on my dresser flashed, as if she was there with me, her sweet smell flooding my senses. I stared at the silver stone, which sat in a glass case on a velvet pillow. I wondered whatever happened to Aiyoku. The shop had vanished the day after I bought the pendant, along with the mysterious attendant. 
	*Scratch*
	220 for Kaze. I glared at the cat, wondering how the Hell it had gotten from Umi's apartment to my living room, since she was so overprotective of her.
	"Damn cat," I growled, and Kaze hissed before nudging my leg towards the door. After biting an uncooperative me, I finally got the cat's drift. 
	"You want me to go see Umi-imoutochan, neko-chan?" The cat yowled, and I sighed. 
	"Whatever." I followed the tan cat to the dim apartment next to mine. Only one light was on in the corner, Umi's beloved UFO light.
	"Umi-chan?" I asked, and Kaze yelled at the closed bedroom door. I became worried, normally Umi would open the door, even if Kaze had made a mess in there (not that she ever had, the cat was a lot like Luna, almost human-like.) I opened the door, and my shocked eyes surveyed the scene.
	Sailorpluto, the legendary Angel of Time, was standing there, arguing with my neighbor and "mentor in the ways of the Force", Hiketsuno Umi.
	Except Umi looked different.
	Her hair, normally in one bun- like Usa's odango- with two smaller buns on each side, now had a purple ribbon streaming down the side, along with her golden hair. A beaded choker sat around her bare throat, and matching earrings complemented her slim cheekbones. 
	A dress, like Serenity's in many ways, except with less decor and a colour that matched her eyes.
	The girl could have not been the tomboyish Umi, who woke up screaming with nightmares during violent storms, except the eyes were unique to her. Those secretive eyes, stormy, like the ones that she feared.
	Except the usually calm eyes were now filled with fear.
	Neither woman noticed me, and I stayed absolutely still, like a deer when a hunter is searching for him. 
	"Your dreams- the nightmares you've been having, Umi-himeko." Pluto calmly told the shaken girl. "Including Masurao."
	Masurao, her "dead" older brother in America, her beloved twin who was ten minutes older. 
	"Masu-oniichan?" she whispered, sounding so young and innocent, so much like my Usako.... 
	Concentrate, Mamoru.
	"You have 24 hours, Umi-himeko." Pluto vanished as the small blonde crumpled to the ground. I slipped back, thinking that she might want to be alone.
	But Kaze wouldn't let me, and with surprising strength the small cat butted it's head against the back of my calf, and I was pushed back in. 
***************
Barcelona where the winds all blew
And the churches don't have windows but the graveyards do
Me and my shadow are wrestling again
Look out stranger there's a dark cloud moving in.
But if you could hear the voice in my heart it would tell you
I'm afraid I am alone.

Won't somebody please hold me, release me 
show me the meaning of mercy 
let me loose
Fly, let me fly, let me fly
****************
	I sobbed, for fear that I was losing. I wanted Serenity-sama's memories to be gentle when they returned, not like how Endymion-sama's were. They weren't supposed to be like that for him, but Aiyoku-chan had decided to speed things up on her own. 
	But I guessed I was taking too much time, for now the future was threatened, fading away. Crystal Tokyo was vanishing, it's two rulers becoming hollow and translucent, their children flickering. 
	Oniichan, Masu-chan, was in danger. 
	And I was alone, I had to stop this. 
	But I didn't have the strength.
***************
Super paranoid, I'm bleeding I'm blurring, I'm bleeding into t he scenery.
Loving someone else is always so much easier
But I hold myself hostage in the mirror.
But if you could hear the voice in my heart it would tell you
I'm tired of feeling this way. 

God, won't you please hold me, release me 
show me the meaning of mercy 
let me loose
Fly, let me fly, let me fly
****************
	A pair of strong arms encircled me, warm and loving, full of caring. So much like Masu-oniichan's. So much....
	I knew it wasn't my oniisan. 
	Mamoru-kun. I turned, and saw a caring face, and open arms. 
	I cried willingly into those open arms.
	He wasn't Masu, but he was close.
*****************
I won't be held down, I won't be held back
I will lead with my faith
The red light has been following me
But don't worry mother 
It's no longer my gravity

Hold me, release me
Show me the meaning of mercy
Let me fly, let me fly, let me fly
 
*****************
	"And then, Motoki-kun, Mako-chan said- Are you listening, Motoki-kun?!?" I cried exasperatedly. He wasn't.
	"Mamoru-kun, Umi-chan!" he cried, and I turned. There she was, standing next to him worriedly, looking kinda pale. Her hair, in odango like mine, except with hair flowing freely around them, was dull and lifeless today. Something was wrong with Umi-chan. 
	"I'll have a hot coffee." Mamoru ordered, and a mischievous twinkle lighted up in Umi's eyes.
	"I'll have a dry martini, shaken, not stirred." she smiled at Motoki, who winked. 
	"One dry martini, shaken, not sti-" he was cut off by a low growl. 
	"I don't need a drunk Umi on my hands, Motoki-kun." Mamoru grumbled. 
	"Someone needs their coffee!" I giggled and winked at the others. They laughed, well, Umi just smiled. 
	"By the way, Motoki, Usagi, I'm having a party tonight..." Mamoru spit out his coffee all over poor Motoki.
	"YOU?!? PARTY?!?! WHEN WERE YA GOING TO TELL ME?!?!?"
	"I did, baka, this morning when you woke up on my sofa."
	"Damned cat."
	*THWACK!* The science book has resurfaced and smacked poor Mamo-chan over the head again. 
	"Hmmph." Umi stuck her tongue out at Mamoru. "Anyways, Hino Rei and Kumada Yurrichurro are coming, along with Aino Minako- she and I play Sailor V in here all the time- Reika, Lizzie, and Motoki will be there, of course, and Mizuno Ami- she helped me in Cram school, then there's Kino Makoto, she and I met in the park the other day and beat some guys in soccer!" She told me more than anyone, while Mamoru shook his head. 
	"Umi-chan, you are insane."
	"Do you *want* to meet Mr. Science book again?"
	Silence.
	Well, except for the hysterical giggles Motoki and I were spouting. Mamoru blushed. 
	"It's also a Christmas gift exchange, Christmas Eve being today!" her eyes sparkled, she loved Christmas.
	I couldn't wait to give Mamoru my present.
****************
	Sitting at my window, I stared out into space, watching the rising moon in front of me. 
	What if Mamo-chan didn't like my present?
	I'd been alone so long, so long. 
	I knew I was missing part of me, and that he was the key. He was the key to the missing me, he was part of the missing me. 
	I wanted him to be with me, to hold me and kiss me and make me feel safe and warm, loved, beautiful, special. I've never felt special before, can you believe it? Never have I ever felt that I was beautiful, special, or pretty.
	Never have I not been lonely?
	I wanted him to make me happy. Make me special. Make me beautiful, Mamo-chan. Make me lovely, make me into a Princess. Make me safe, make me special, Mamo-chan. 
	Make me free, Mamo-chan.
******************
I've always been
Lonely
Scared
A mask of glee 
placed over
my heart.

I've never been
Special
Loved
Never felt that
I truly
belong

You make me
mad
frustrated
I want to
scream
cry

When I see you

you make my 
heart
race
I can't even 
stand
think

I only want to

take you and 
kiss you
love you
make you mine
my prince
my soul

Will you make me

feel like I'm
special
lovely
make me your
princess
spirit

Will you make me free?
Will you make me happy?
Will you take the loneliness away?

-"Spirit" by Amethyst
*******************
	When I reached Umi's apartment, (and me being her neighbor, I was the first there), the entire decor had changed. In the middle of the apartment was a lower level, like a pit, where leather couches lined the edges with a rich wooden coffee table in the middle. Silver trim went around the walls, with mistletoe hung here or there....
	I'd have to make sure to get Usa under there.
	A Christmas tree sat in the corner, with presents put under it. A long table near it, with loads and loads of food on it. Usa would be in heaven with that. Candles decorated the room, and the balcony was the perfect setting for some romantic action. 
	I suddenly reasoned what the point of this spur of the moment party was. 
	Hell, I didn't mind. It just gave me a chance to get Usagi back and an excuse to act mad at Umi-chan a bit. 
	"Mamoru-oniisan!" A bundle of blonde flew at me, and I hoped that my tuxedo was as well made as my Tuxedo Kamen one. 
	"Konbanwa, Umi-chan. I see that someone's playing Cupid?" She smiled, and said, 
	"Gotta speed it up a bit." She didn't mention anything about the nightmares that had plagued her all of last night, the visit from Pluto. "Do you have the presents?" 
	I nodded, and stuck them under the tree. She smiled at me, and took her coat. I noticed that, though her hair was up in it's usual style, a dark purple dress, (this was a black tie party) that accented her figure (I'm a guy, we guys look at these things no matter WHAT!) flowed down to her feet. She looked amazing, and so grown-up. I felt proud, strangely enough, and hugged her. She blushed, and smiled at me. 
	The doorbell rang.

	A hour later, everyone was there. Aino Minako was presently flirting with 3 guys at once, Hino Rei was dancing with Yurrichurro to a Madonna holiday song, Mizuno Ami was talking to Reika and Motoki about- something, and Kino Makoto was chatting with her date, Ken, while Usagi was giggling with Umi at the moment. I walked over to the two, and felt a "shove" come from Aino Minako, pushing me into Usagi.
	Great, just great. Minako-chan AND Umi-chan was in on this one. 
	Why did I feel like disaster, rather than love, was in the air?
	Umi giggled. "Hey you two, you're under mistletoe!"
	"Kiss him, Usagi-chan!" Minako snorted, and Usa blushed. 
	"Merry Christmas, Usagi-chan!" I smiled softly. I was never one to pass up a chance like this. I leaned my head down towards her questioning face, slightly parted pink lips....
******************
	Soft lips clamped onto mine, causing all feelings to leave my legs. Though it was only an innocent, chaste kiss, it was my first one, and all the thought ran from my mind. I felt whole as he moved to slip one arm around me while I closed my eyes. The kiss started to deepen, his lips growing more persistent and hungry on mine, until....
	*Flash!* We broke from the kiss as bright lights appeared. Finally I could see....
	Makoto holding a camera and grinning like a banshee. 
	I could also see the axe hanging over her head, and me cutting the rope holding it up. 
	"Err..." I stammered, and then quickly excused myself to the bathroom, watching as Umi glared at Mako-chan and smacked her upside the head with a ladle. 
	"USAGI-CHAN!!!! PRESENTS!!!" Minako shrieked, and I never reached the bathroom. 
	No, I found myself seated next to a warm, strong body named Mamoru, with Minako and Umi (trying to) secretly wink at each other.
	Damn them. 
*****************
	About ten minutes later we were down to the last presents, and Umi grinned insanely when she picked one in navy blue wrapping up. 
	"'Niisan, guess what?"
	Aw crap. Usagi's present, I bet. I read the tag, the delicate kanji written messily, but still, it was so Usako...
	How did I know?
	Usagi tensed, her body frozen, biting her lip, nervousness darting through her eyes like a bullet train. What could possibly make her so nervous. 
	As I unwrapped the present Usagi excused herself for a drink of water. Her warm body pressed against mine was immediately missed as cold air filled the space. My hands trembled as they unwrapped the square package to reveal...
	A silver picture frame with roses in the corner. 
	In the middle of the picture was a painted portrait of a man with ebony hair that shined in the sun, warm, sapphire eyes, tanned skin, a chiseled jaw, happy, in the gardens.
	This was how Usako saw me? And damn, was she a good artist!
	At this point I saw the collar of the uniform the man was wearing. 
	Black armour with gold-plaiting. 
	Endymion's armour.
	*Click* the door sounded as I turned to see Tsukino Usagi (try to) creep quietly out of the party.
	Over my dead body.
	"Usako!" I cried as I turned, put the portrait down, and leapt over the couch, running for the door. 	
	"Whoa, go Mamoru-kun!"
	"Usako...?"
	"Don't ask."
*******************
	I cried as I ran into the park. He hadn't liked the picture. I'd spent weeks on it, drawing, painting, sketching, and he'd hated. The shocked look on his face told me all. 
	He'd hated it.
	I slumped down on a park bench, crying with only the full moon as my witness.
*******************
Inside my skin there is this space
It twists and turns
It bleeds and aches

Inside my heart there's an empty room
It's waiting for lightning
It's waiting for you

And I am wanting
And I am needed you here
Inside the absence of fear
******************
	I saw her, curled up on a park bench, gentle rays of the full moon bathing her in light.
	"Usako," I sighed, then wrapped my arms around her slender, shaking frame.
******************
Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans

My bones call to you
In their seperate skin
I make myself translucent
to let you in, for

I am wanting
And I am needed you here
Inside the absence of fear
*****************
	"Usako," I heard a deep voice whisper from behind me, and I blinked. Strong arms encircled my waist, and I stiffened.
	I must be hallucinating. Was Kami-sama himself cruel enough to torture me like this? To send me visions of him holding me, breathing my name like he did?
	"Usako." He sighed again, and I turned around to look into his sapphire blue eyes, feel his warm breath on my bare cheek.
	"Mamoru?!?" I asked, and a warm finger was placed on my lips.
	"Usa, why did you run from me?"
****************
There is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
And it knows that you're no stranger
You're my gravity

My hands will adore you through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name
*****************
	She shuddered in my arms, unknowingly clinging tighter to them, digging her sharp nails into my muscle.
	"You didn't like my picture." she said dully, and I watched as she slipped a mask of emotionless over her face. 
	No, Usa, I pleaded silently, Usa, please, don't hide yourself from me, Usako. You can yell at me, beat me, but don't do this, Usa. Please, don't do this!
	The moonlight hit her eyes, and I noticed something.
	Her entire face was a mask of un-feeling, uncaring. 
	Except her cerulean blue eyes, which still sparkled with unshed tears. I remembered Umi-chan's saying that the eyes were the key to the soul- her friend who "knew lots 'bout soul" told her that. I looked into her ocean eyes, reading the emotions lurking there.
	Embarrassment. Warmth. Pain. Innocence. Wanting. Fear. Love.
	I could only make out 50% of those feelings, and I found myself losing my thoughts in those fathomless ocean eyes.
****************
For I am wanting
And I am needing you here.
****************
	I gazed into those sapphire eyes, and I felt myself fall. Those eyes radiated such warmth, such caring. I'd always wanted someone to radiate those emotions for me, always wanted him to radiate those emotions for me. 
	"Usako, your picture was amazing, wonderful." A question lurked in his secretive eyes as shock flooded my system, feeling my cheeks heat up with a blush. 
	"Usako," I noticed the name he was using for me- Usako. My little rabbit. "Where did you get the idea for my outfit?"
	"A dream," I murmured in my mind, and blushed deeper when I realized I'd spoken it out loud. 
	"Usa, lovely, innocent, beautiful Usako." he smiled at me, and then asked, "Is that how you see me? You drew me so happy, so warm..." I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me, his warm strong arms trapping me against his solid chest.
	"Mamo-" I started to protest, but warm lips clamped down on mine, silencing my protests. I felt myself go lips, as his warm lips sat on mine, and the kiss under the mistletoe was repeated again. I felt my knees go weak, and I closed my arms, sliding my arms up to his neck, wrapping my fingers in that ebony hair.
	"Usako..." he murmured as he deepened the kiss, delving into my mouth with his tongue.
	And then I remembered.
Endymion
Serenity
Tuxedo Kamen
Sailor Moon.
Love.
Happiness.
Belonging. 
Him.
Me.
	I held on tighter and kissed him more passionately as the memories returned, a gentle snow falling on us.
*****************
I need you here
Inside this absence of fear.
*****************
	After that night, Umi disappeared. Supposedly, she went back to America. I knew, though, that she went back to her own time, her future saved. Usako still wears my Christmas present to her around her neck.
	The Silver Crystal pendant.
	We married soon after Galaxia was defeated, and nine months later, Usako was in the hospital, having our first child. We'd decided on the name "Masurao", in honour of Umi, and the labour was long and tough. I'd spent the whole time by her side, quelching my desire to faint on the spot. 
	Nothing, no battle, no twist, nothing had ever shocked me like that day, though, when Usagi gave the final push and our son popped out. 
	He was not alone.
	Chiba Masurao, the Crown Prince of the Earth, was born at 3:51 am, December 24th, 1999.
	His little sister and twin, Chiba Umi, Princess of the Earth and Moon, Senshi of Spirit, was born ten minutes later at 4:01 am. 
	They were and still are inseparable to this day. I remember how they refused to sleep unless they were in the same crib, how one night I'd been unable to sleep, and I'd gone into their room, two days before their first birthday, and smiled at them. 
	Umi was lying next to her brother, curled up, his arm in her mouth. Since she was teething, she'd occasionally bite on it, and when she bit too hard, Masurao, (who's hand was in her hair), would yank on her short blonde curls, his black hair like mine glinting in the moonlight. I remembered Umi having a picture like that in the apartment, and my suspicions were confirmed as I grabbed a camera. 
	My stormy-eyed neighbor was my future misty-eyed daughter.
	*Click.*
	That picture now sits next to one of Chibi-Usa, Crown Princess of the Moon and my youngest at her christening, and beside one of me and Usako, kissing under mistletoe. If you look closely, you can see a pretty blonde girl with silver-purple eyes smiling at them.
	"Tata?" The shy voice jolted me out of my silent reverie, and I looked up to see Umi-chan sitting there, at age ten, (Chibi-Usa at five) standing with Kumada Aiyoku, Princess of Mars, Senshi of Soul, and her second best friend. Masurao was behind them, smiling at their "innocent little angels" looks they were giving me.
	I gave a long sigh as Chibi-Usa screamed bloody murder from her room, "Mama! Tata! Umi-chan stole my teeeeeeeddddddyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!"
************************************************************************
Hey hey! Well folks, I moved all the disclaimers and stuff down here! Hehe. First of all, I just want to say that feedback is my friend, please send it to me. Second, this idea is based on a challenge that I was sent in the mail, and I am so honoured to be chosen! Thank you! *blows kisses*
	Also, hi to Sailor Starlite, Bridgita, Caroline, Kira, Oniisan, Uni, Zarah- love ya all! You guys *so* keep me going!
PLEASE email me at amethyst@tuxedomask.com
Legal stuff:
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, Naoko does. I kinda can claim for the plot, and Chiba Masurao, Kumada Aiyoku, and Chiba/Hiketsuno Umi are mine. The poem "Spirit" was written by me, please don't use it without permission. The same goes for Umi-chan, Masu-chan, and Aiyo-chan. ^-^
Legal notes for the songs:
"Don't Speak" belongs to No Doubt, and was written by Eric and Gwen Stefani, ©1996 (?) Tragic Kindgom
"Barcelona" by Jewel, ©1999 Spirit
"Absence of Fear" by Jewel, ©1999 Spirit

Amethyst

CHALLENGE::: If you can tell me why I named Hino Aiyoku and Chiba Masurao (look at the word list) them their names, then I'll give you a cookie and the Beta version of my next fiction, (1st season) called My Angel. ^-^